Sunday Morning

I woke up today to find that it is Daylight Savings Time...normally, I would be happy with the extra hour of sleep, but for some reason i found that annoying. It meant I had to wait another hour to do the things I would normally be doing. Of course, I would be at church by now, but since there was the time change, I am writing. The past weeks where I have not made my presence known, I have been wondering about my existence. There are things that I really want to do and of course there are things that the Lord wants me to do. They haven't coincided, at least it hasn't for a while. I must say, that although my life is very rewarding and has a lot of perks, I am tired. Trying to juggle school, work and my church callings have been really tough. I wish I could spend more time on each of them. I have also decided that I need to start dating. Yes, it is sad, but i could really use some companionship and my guy friends don't exactly provide what I am looking for. It is like when Troy decided to spend time with Gabriella instead of guys hanging out with Chad and them. I know, lame example, but it suits the purpose. I need someone who will complete me and help me become better. For my church calling, I feel kind of lost. No offence to my wonderful bishop, but I really didn't see how making me and Skip co-chairs was supposed to help. We hang out, not work, together. With that, it still feels like I am expected to do much of the work. He isn't exactly self-motivating. Oh well, after all this Prop 8 stuff we will talk about it. I miss being a missionary. I wish I could be close to the Elders here. I just feel distant, like I don't know how I could relate to them. My excitement isn't the same as with the misisonaries before I left for my mission. Do I trust them? I can't really say that I do since we haven't done much together. I had a non-member friend from work over for dinner and that was just weird. If you don't speak English well, let the other missionary speak! ugh! i have been lucky as far as school. I haven't really had to study for anything (I know, slacker!) and I am passing, except for Econ. That class is just hard for some reason. Definitely my attitude needs changing, but I am not understanding the material. I am a 'C' student there. I am tired today. Not really wanting to go anywhere. I feel like i have lost my zest for life. Maybe the move will help. I am excited.

A Deterred Dance

Seriously, I feel bad. Jason really wanted to go and meet women that could be prospective wives while I just really wanted to stay at home and be slothful. I won out because Skip and I are very good at subtly entrancing people into conversations. Hehehehe, so no Prop 8 dance for us tonight! Yay! I bought 2 new shoes today. I am so excited, they are way cool. Now, I need socks.

The Two Sides of A Coin

Sometimes, you just have to be really vague with the things that you say. You never know if you could really hurt anyone. I've heard some people I bet, probably not even knowing it, but sometimes, you have to have an inkling. It isn't like I was drunk or anything that I would miss that! About a month ago, my site supervisor pulled me aside and told me that she had received some complaints about how I teach. A parent had come up and said that her child had been hearing me say that I am going to kill them, etc. Retarded, I thought. I put it in the back of my head. No biggie. It happens all the time when children do not want to get into trouble, they use scapegoats. It seems like I am the likely scapegoat. Today, was another "warning" to me, and it really sucks because I really enjoy what I do, even if the kids have this crazy attitude about them, I really do love them. We will just have to see where that one will go. Earlier today, though, I ran into Janelle. She had just broken up with Skip and she is taking it pretty hard. I feel awful because no one deserves to feel that way. It was almost like an unrequieted love and it was under that pretense that it existed and now that the truth is out, it hurts, because you never really had it. Janelle had just started coming back to church and she and Skip started dating about 6 months ago. Now she feels a little left out. All of her acquaintances are mostly through Skip and now that that is through, she feels as though she has no one. Nothing. It is saddening. Did I tell you that her twin sister is engaged to be married? Talk about tough. For me today, I have just decided that I am going to do my best and also plan ahead. It is payday tomorrow, i wonder where my money will go!