Sunday Morning

I woke up today to find that it is Daylight Savings Time...normally, I would be happy with the extra hour of sleep, but for some reason i found that annoying. It meant I had to wait another hour to do the things I would normally be doing. Of course, I would be at church by now, but since there was the time change, I am writing. The past weeks where I have not made my presence known, I have been wondering about my existence. There are things that I really want to do and of course there are things that the Lord wants me to do. They haven't coincided, at least it hasn't for a while. I must say, that although my life is very rewarding and has a lot of perks, I am tired. Trying to juggle school, work and my church callings have been really tough. I wish I could spend more time on each of them. I have also decided that I need to start dating. Yes, it is sad, but i could really use some companionship and my guy friends don't exactly provide what I am looking for. It is like when Troy decided to spend time with Gabriella instead of guys hanging out with Chad and them. I know, lame example, but it suits the purpose. I need someone who will complete me and help me become better. For my church calling, I feel kind of lost. No offence to my wonderful bishop, but I really didn't see how making me and Skip co-chairs was supposed to help. We hang out, not work, together. With that, it still feels like I am expected to do much of the work. He isn't exactly self-motivating. Oh well, after all this Prop 8 stuff we will talk about it. I miss being a missionary. I wish I could be close to the Elders here. I just feel distant, like I don't know how I could relate to them. My excitement isn't the same as with the misisonaries before I left for my mission. Do I trust them? I can't really say that I do since we haven't done much together. I had a non-member friend from work over for dinner and that was just weird. If you don't speak English well, let the other missionary speak! ugh! i have been lucky as far as school. I haven't really had to study for anything (I know, slacker!) and I am passing, except for Econ. That class is just hard for some reason. Definitely my attitude needs changing, but I am not understanding the material. I am a 'C' student there. I am tired today. Not really wanting to go anywhere. I feel like i have lost my zest for life. Maybe the move will help. I am excited.

A Deterred Dance

Seriously, I feel bad. Jason really wanted to go and meet women that could be prospective wives while I just really wanted to stay at home and be slothful. I won out because Skip and I are very good at subtly entrancing people into conversations. Hehehehe, so no Prop 8 dance for us tonight! Yay! I bought 2 new shoes today. I am so excited, they are way cool. Now, I need socks.

The Two Sides of A Coin

Sometimes, you just have to be really vague with the things that you say. You never know if you could really hurt anyone. I've heard some people I bet, probably not even knowing it, but sometimes, you have to have an inkling. It isn't like I was drunk or anything that I would miss that! About a month ago, my site supervisor pulled me aside and told me that she had received some complaints about how I teach. A parent had come up and said that her child had been hearing me say that I am going to kill them, etc. Retarded, I thought. I put it in the back of my head. No biggie. It happens all the time when children do not want to get into trouble, they use scapegoats. It seems like I am the likely scapegoat. Today, was another "warning" to me, and it really sucks because I really enjoy what I do, even if the kids have this crazy attitude about them, I really do love them. We will just have to see where that one will go. Earlier today, though, I ran into Janelle. She had just broken up with Skip and she is taking it pretty hard. I feel awful because no one deserves to feel that way. It was almost like an unrequieted love and it was under that pretense that it existed and now that the truth is out, it hurts, because you never really had it. Janelle had just started coming back to church and she and Skip started dating about 6 months ago. Now she feels a little left out. All of her acquaintances are mostly through Skip and now that that is through, she feels as though she has no one. Nothing. It is saddening. Did I tell you that her twin sister is engaged to be married? Talk about tough. For me today, I have just decided that I am going to do my best and also plan ahead. It is payday tomorrow, i wonder where my money will go!

Proposition 8 in All Its Glory

After work, Jason picked me up from work. Like I said, we have become good buddies. It is just kinda sad that he will be leaving soon. Ugh, why is life like that? I gotta find new friends again. Anyways, it was a very good and informative fireside. It really made me ask myself what I could do to help progress this cause. It is funny because one never really thinks about these kind of things, but they truly are important. One thing I learned from it is tolerance. It really does seem like it would be one way, one side forcing the other to recognise and not coming to any conclusion. I remember back on my mission in this city called Brainerd how odd it was to not feel welcomed in this certain coffee shop. It was a 'haven' for the 'social outcasts.' I think it is funny though because they made us feel more like the social outcasts by the way they stared at us. Almost instantaneously, they jeered at us. I though to myself- for people who want to be treated with respect, they sure are showing us exactly how they want it. So, I guess, I can see what I need to do. I think that the term is paying it forward...I hope that my charity will create a positive response.

Good Samaritans

A couple of days again I was waiting by the bus stop to get ready for work. It was hot, so I retreated to a shade of trees as I waited for the bus. Then, all of a sudden the bus passes by...but I was still there! Perplexed, I muzzled through my bag to search for my phone. Who could take me to work? Should I just call in late? Then out of the blue, a woman offered to take me to another bus stop so that I can catch it. It was sweet, I thought. We can use more people

So Much Has Happened

I was really hoping that I would be able to make this a lot more often. Such is not the case however, because life...as we know it is crazy. The past week has been really crazy. In-between tests and homework and planning the Utah trip and the post-trauma of the Irvine fireside all just came at me. I forded through it. I am happy as a clam, thanks to the recent addresses given by our leaders. It truly was an edifying event. Who would've thought that I was that sensitive still? Dude, I cried when Sister Allred shared the story about her granddaughter who asked her to speak at her baptism. Have I been that grateful recently? It was nice to put away the thought of work and social life and school which has flooded my existence here in SoCal since I came back from my mission. I really feel that there really has been something missing and I can't quite put my finger on it. I still don't know what it is. i know that I am not happy, at least not fully, because things have just been really different. I have really felt alone and estranged lately. A lot of it was my own doing. Go figure. So what have I come to terms with? The drive up to UTAH! Alex and I drove to St. George Thursday night. It seemed very logical that we stop halfway and spend the night rather than travelling that whole time and being tired in the morning. My friend Jake, was kind enough to let us stay. He was one of the missionaries that taught me and frankly, he is the only one who has really kept in contact with me. It is funny because he only taught me once...yet we are the best of friends. I had spent some time with him before and we always have fun. His mother, who was down for the weekend, is an amazing lady. When I first stayed with them, she had made it so confortable that I almost did not want to leave. I keep in touch with them, because they are great people. I would have to say that I have become better because of their example. Jake and his wife, Heather, took me and Alex out to breakfast which pretty much kept us full. It made the drive to Provo quite easily. In Utah- Life is Crazy! Alex and I prated ways when he dropped me off at Jesse's (Cardon) loft. I drove with Jesse to the mission reunion. Which was awkward for me considering I have not the faintest idea of what we were all there for. There were a handful of former missionaries that I was excited to see. However, I was already keeping in contact with those I wanted to keep in contact with. I thought it was worthless. It was however, nice. Jesse was mad that I left early with Chad. He wanted us all to go to the General Conference dance...uh, no. Chad and I had already planned to hang out that night so we proceeded. Short story: Chad and I did not sleep until after three and he had a swim meet at 6:30 in the morning...needless to say, I slept. Man, was I tired. Sometimes, it is good to just say: Sorry, girls. We went and saw the Priesthood at the Marriott Center. We met up with Kyle at the Provo Towne Center. I was jipped. He couldn't stay long. Argh! Then we met with EFY people and after that, Chad left. I spent the night with EFY people and went to conference Sunday with one of my EFY kids, Kevin. Are you serious? Conference was amazing. There really isn't a way to describe it. However, you can live it. That I think is the best way to sum it all up. We sat really close to the pulpit. We were just feet away fromt he Prophet. It was an amazing feeling. To have been able to see it with such great and wonderful people is a gift of God in itself. JD and I didn't really get to spend that much time when he drove me to Murray. I will make up for it, I promise. The same at Ammon's house...it was way weird seeing Sister Lassig there. I felt connected to Ammon a bit more, though. Like, dude, your life is as crazy as mine! We didn't get our picture though. That was the whole reason for the trip too! Back to Life: Prop 8 When I got back into town, I was called and asked to work at a different school site. It was pretty great. It is nice to know that kids, wherever they are despises Read 180...hahaha, it felt like home. Working with the Beatty group was actually a lot of fun. It seems that they run things on their own though. It makes sense since they have large classes. So cool. Tonight, as part of FHE, we did a little of Prop 8 walk. It is good. I love the experience. Tomorrow I will introduce Jason...you'd like that. He has been like my best friend here. It is only befitting I do some sort of tribute for him.

Talking To Your Best Friend

I like to talk. Who doesn't want like their opinions and their feelings heard by their peers. Oftentimes we like to think that we are alone and insignificant that we fail to recognize that there are those who are truly our friends. Part of this liking to talk means that sometimes, I go over the allotted time I gave myself to be social. Like this afternoon, I got so enthralled with finding a clown for my nephew's birthday party That I forgot that I need to get dressed for work and not miss the bus. realizing this conundrum, I resorted to calling Katherine and having her take me to my work. Was there and awkward moment? Just a little. Maybe talking is a bad thing. I now have a student who dislikes me a little because I don't listen to her. Maybe I need to know that I heard it right so that I can make proper judgment. Anyways, the highlight of tonight was talking to Ammon for an hour and a half. Man, it feels good catching up with old friends and I think that a friendship has to have that part where you haven;t seen each other that long but still have stuff to talk about. Well, we are hanging out when I go to Utah next week for General Conference. Man, it is going to be freaking awesome! Talking and friendship to me coincide. One leads to the other and help you in the course of life. I think that it is really great that the Gospel provides a great back drop for that.

A Blogger Once Again

You really get what is coming to you especially when you stay up late. Last night was one of those nights. I spent a lot of it with Katherine. We talked about the gospel and how at some point you get tired of the monotony of living it. Between school and work and providing for her family, life has been pretty hard. I salute her for her efforts though. She wrote to me my whole mission and I saw her trials in the letters that she had written. I feel for her and now that I am back, I try to be a good friend to her. I am really glad that she feels that she can talk to me about her problems. To make them go away, we went to Wal-Mart last night and browse. I got home and finished some homework and went to bed around1:30am. I have an 8 o'clock class everyday and usually I am pretty good at waking up, but I had such a hard time this morning. This progressed throughout the day. Heck, I took a nap to and from work and was dosing off during my Book of Mormon class. Things have been going pretty well, I think. School is top priority- I work and do all these things to someday help benefit me in my schooling. I really enjoy it all. I love being in school again. It seems that that is what my whole life is about because after school, I got to school again. This time it is to help kids become better, though. Like, real life teaching opportunities. What an amazing thing. I just wish that one of these days, my kids will actually listen to me! To end the evening, I attended Institute. I kinda have to be there, but I really enjoy it. The big thing I gotta worry about as the Institute president is pulling off this Multi-Regional fireside and filling our October forum spots. Man, incumbency is never fun! I though that I would start blogging again- keep a journal again. When I am not so pressed in time, I would like to do a multi-lingual version. That is it today. And tomorrow is my Geography quiz. I have to study for that early so i will retain the exact locations!